Forever

"I saw her first across the Corridor, of this very place, we are standing right now", he cleared his throat. Clearly old age didn't look good on him.


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We were assigned projects in the Geriatric ward, for a period of one month. Find your "Subject", they would tell us, and understand the various nuances to their personality. I found the word "subject" so bleh , how can u address someone that way. But well, you tend to learn, to call them subjects after a while.

In my first year of College, I was like a pup, lapping up attention. I knew i would go beyond myself to achieve , the required . There isn't much to know about me .I never knew a family, my family rather. I was raised by Catholic Sisters at an orphanage, so I assumed its good to kneel towards Catholic Faith. most people pride on being a part of their religious doctrine. I simply felt like a creeper , feeding onto the beliefs that were thrown towards me. Not that it mattered!.

I guess being unwanted at an early age, made me a person looking for opportunities, for attention.I excelled at studies , sports and other extra curricular activities, however , the attention I desired off, usually faded within days. It never stayed forever. I wondered what would stay forever, and how would forever feel .

So mote it be , so mote it be.

I was that freak in high school. I used to love solitude , or rather did not have much choice. I just found random conversations about "oh my God, he looked at me" , boring, and the follow ups,equally annoying. I was so done.

I loved reading, it was my stress buster. Nah.. not stress buster, it was like a release , a feeling that goes beyond reasoning ,or my understanding.

It was there that I was first introduced to the best part of my life.

So mote it be so mote it be.

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I Finally zeroed in on a "Subject" , an octogenarian or so he seemed. i really didn't bother knowing him , till one day, he just made me know him better.

An hour before leaving, he stopped his continuous muttering and stared at me deep and hard. His eyes screamed 'creep alert' , I could feel the tingling sensation on my nape. He gave me the chills, and then he smiled. I gathered my things and ran for my life.

Two days later. It was as though nothing ever happened. He was the same person, I had first met. No conversation, no eye contact. Just the weird humming sound. However this time. It had an effect on me. The room vibrated, it was like as though he was chanting. it was a Rhythm.

"So  how far have the books helped", he asked me out of the blue.

"ummm which book are we talking about?" . I could feel the walls closing in on me.

He started humming faster. The wind blew against the window, and forced it shut.

"The book of Occult, my dear", he smiled at me.

"I .. i dont know what.. how do you know" , i couldn't stop babbling. How did he know. He also seemed perfectly sane to be held hostage in an asylum.

And then it began, an unusual camaraderie developed between student and pupil. He being my master.

-------

Our friendship grew stronger, and I started visiting him everyday. He taught me all he knew about the Black Art. he would say that it is an ART. A very beautiful one at that.I felt this was way better than reading.

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Time just flew by. It was my final year. This was when it all changed. That day it all just changed.

The bloody rains, I cursed internally. I was running towards college. Late, annoyed and dripping wet. That day was so unlucky, started off , by getting up late, missing my bus,then the train, my cab, forgetting my umbrella!!! ughhhh. It couldn't have been worse.

I was running towards the gate, and so was he. We both, i guess were looking down to avoid the rain, hitting our face. I did not see him coming, and we bumped face on into each other. I lost my balance, tried to steady myself, by hanging on to him, but instead pulled him on myself. I registered a fall. Luckily he placed his palm under my head. I felt his weight. But it just felt like 'good weight' . I donno if it made sense. But nothing did, after that. He lifted himself off me, and like a gentleman, picked me up as well. He was chivalrous enough to ask if i was hurt. I don't remember what I said. I tried straightening up myself, trying to look better. But was so distracted by his smile. Good Lord!!, so this was what is felt like.

I did not even realise when he left, but i'm sure I felt stupid.

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I met my subject again after a gap of 3 weeks. " So tell me about him", was all he said when I walked to his room.

I rattled off , about how he ignored me. That maybe I was not all that pretty looking for him. I cried. I don't remember when I cried last. I rattled off, how all my attempts to connect went vain. And all I wanted was to have Him forever.

"Forever", he laughed "it can be an eternity my dear, forever might just be too much".

"No, i want him forever, all mine and just mine"

I did not realize my folly then, all i wanted was Him. All to myself.


So mote it be So mote it be

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"I saw her first across the Corridor, of this very place, we are standing right now", he cleared his throat. Clearly old age didn't look good on him.

I walked away and he started mumbling something, I really did not bother. I wish i had.

'I saw her first across the Corridor, of this very place, we are standing right now. This place used to be a General Hospital earlier'. he continued oblivious that he did not have a listener.'She stormed past me, and rushed towards the elevator. I was just amazed at how lovely she smelled. She smelled liked fresh dew. Her lithe frame was beautifully caressed in a white saree. Her Hair was all tied up. Some strands resisted and danced across her bare back. She was a nurse there, tending to people, with a beautiful Smile. I was in love with her. I knew I wanted her forever. However, she was engaged to her best friend. Not something I appreciated. I proposed and proposed and proposed. Tried all means possible, and then gave up. Gave up to Black Art.I just loved her a lot. Forever, wasn't enough. She said she would rather die than be with me. I loved her too much to not give in to her wishes. I killed her. I used her blood to keep her with me forever. Black magic is an Art. I have to keep chanting, else I know what she is capable of. People said i'm mad. I was alright ,as long as it gave me the space and solitude to be with her', he smiled looking at her.

Then I saw this young bored girl. She chose me to study. I saw a lot of me in her. Alone, orphan. I knew she would do exactly as i said. I needed more blood , to keep myself strong, to live forever with my woman.

The love affair, she told me, gave me the perfect chance . For both of us. For her to unite with her love, for me to be with mine. I needed two souls, a willing and unwilling. She was willing for forever. It was simple and easy.

She believed that "forever" exists.

I read about her in the news the next day. Poor girl. Killed the boy,and then herself. The media spoke about Love failures and rejection for a week or so. Anyways, I still have Forever.


So mote it be So mote it be 

Its worth fighting for..

So stepping away from twisted stuff, i finally decide to write this. If you thinking why, i so want to vent. Will it help, il let you know. Am i an expert at this?? nope , not a bit. Someone whom i know very closely is going through an emotional phase in their life, mainly separating from their partners. No amount of talking to either of them seems to resolve their issues that they have build up over the years . Lot of ego clashes, miscommunication, and truckloads of factors have contributed to their decision. I know one of them reads every post of mine, and i'm hoping for a miracle!!. Why??? because i love you two to bits together, and it breaks my heart to see what might possibly happen.

Like i said earlier, i'm not even close to the ideal individual to give advice on what you should do, or how to avoid such a situation. however, i'm gonna do just that.

Never stop Flirting/Loving :  Yes i know it sounds over the top romantic!! But its not. Taking out time in between your busy schedules, and showering each other with affection like you did earlier is definitely going to reignite passion and memories. It can be as simple as holding hands, a peck on the cheek, watching your favourite movie. Choose your pick.

Fall in love again with your Partner :  I agree he/she may not look the same. Receding hairlines,wrinkling, increasing sizes are all inevitable. Learn to love this new person, fall in love with them again. more than the way they look now, think of the way they make you look with that small touch or that glance. Yeaa!!, that sure works :)

Nobody is Perfect : Dont try to fix your partner, just because your friends partner looks a particular way. Your Partner is your Partner, accept them as they are , as they change. Its not your job to fix someone, its not your Job to ensure how he/she should eat, sit , talk, walk , laugh!!.. Cmon, breathe, notice the sound of her laughter , see the way his eyes twinkle when he catches yours :).

Limit the blame game :  You are solely responsible for your happiness. Stop blaming each other for taking the "Happiness" out of each others life. Stop blaming each other when you fight. All of those words remain in the heart for a long time. I know its not easy to control ones temper, but it is to control one's tongue. Acknowledge if you are at fault, and all those words will erase magically.

Be stupid/kiddish/silly/idiotic : Remember the things you used to do initially, do them over, attuning to your partners changed sensibilities. Stop pretending that you are carrying all the burden in the world. Leave the baggage aside, go snuggle up, hug each other. Do things that make you both happy.

Give each other the required space : Dont smother each other. Do your own things. Have your own social circle. It will help you both unwind your individual stresses . Don't be super clingy. Appreciate what your partner does, compliment them .

Dont take your fights to the bed : try resolving your issues before you hit the sack. Never keep it for tomorrow. Tomorrow will just add on to the hurt. Resolve it before it dissolves you.


Relationship is never about a "Happily ever after". it needs work, commitment , love , and loads of patience. It aint easy , but its definitely super worth it .

A feeling called Love

It wasn't exactly "love at first sight", for her. However, for me, i kept falling in love with her over and over again, if that is possible.

my mind had nurtured itself to the idea of "the perfect woman". She had to be beautiful, well endowed, graceful, charming, socially active. Well, now that i think of it, more like a 'trophy girl'. I cannot be entirely blamed, i was 20.

But I did date my type of women, and was never able to go beyond a 6 month milestone. I just got bored of them all, i went hop, skip and jump onto the next, within hours of breaking up. Well, maybe all of this did make me emotionally detached.

I was in the above phase when i saw her.I was dating a girl, when I first saw Aanya. I still remember her breezing by in a blue Salwar, stained with blood, all over. She ran past me carrying a kid in her arm. All I saw was the slight ruffle of her curls, when she turned around animatedly, her moist eyes, her nose that crinkled when she was thinking, her plump lower lips, and then walking towards me. I was ecstatic. She was walking towards me. She asked me something, but all I could hear was soft music. She looked at me in shock, and walked away indignant. It was all beautiful. I never thought in my wildest dreams, that I would experience any of this ever. That was my "Platinum day of Love".

my father was involved with philanthropic activities, that included distributing free medicines, taking care of accident victims, People who couldn't afford their treatment etc etc. my father entrusted me with the above said responsibilities in his absence, which i did execute well, to a certain level. Alright, i hated every bit of it.

Now Aanya here, was a college student, involved neck-deep in all kinds of voluntary activities. She walked upto me that day, for help, with the child's treatment she had got in. Well, now since you know my situation , you cannot really blame me, right?. So i did try explaining it to her, but all she said was that i was arrogant, self contained and some others i barely recall. She never even listened to what i had to say, i found that pretty self-obsessed.

So if any of you think that we would be together, does really have high hopes!.She hated me, and i didnt like her attitude.

Two years later, I met her again. my father suffered a downfall, and we had to alter our lifestyle. when i say alter, i mean drastically. The friends i had initially, all drifted apart. The only ones who stayed were not ones I had ever wanted to talk too. So in a nutshell, life changed drastically.

I was at Bandra, contemplating my life, or rather pretending to think. I heard a constant round of giggles, and squeals, and more laughter. There was a group of girls, sitting some 20 feet away from where i was, giggling away. There i saw her again. She still had that twinkle in her eyes, i couldnot stop myself from staring at her. minutes later, the laughter subsided, and i heard them edging nearer, hurling abuses.

She came closer, she was quiet. Her friends were the heroic ones, asking me to avert my gaze. i just couldn't. I got slapped, no idea by who. But i did. There was a moment of regret in her eyes, and then she disappeared. Like i said, i kept falling in love with her every time i saw her.

That evening, i was forced to a family wedding. I was happy i was, as soon as I was done scanning the buffet counter, i saw her. Ethereal, beautiful, aureole. She caught my eye, smiled and walked away. I tried looking for her everywhere, my eyes were tired darting around. my father pushed me on the dance floor, citing i should have 'fun'. I stood on the dance floor, not knowing anyone, i turned to leave, when i saw her, dancing away like a child. I walked upto her, the music stopped. 'what timing' i thought. The music stopped , to play a slow dance number for couples, 'what timing', i smiled to myself. I asked her to dance, she obliged.

I held her in my arms for the first time, and knew that i wanted to hold her forever. "Solipsism", she murmured in my ear. "sorry", i looked at her like an idiot. She laughed, crinkling her nose. "Solipsism, is what i thought describes you, when i met you 2 years back, you have changed and become better over years". I just stood still, looking at her not knowing what to reply.

She let herself loose of my grip, and glided away from me. I found her again, talking to someone. I grabbed the opportunity and didn't let her go for the next 2 hours.

She listened , when i spoke.I told her everything, poured mt heart out, cried a little. Felt like i was talking to the mirror. She was what i missed all these years. i wanted a venue to pour out my heart, but no one cared to listen. I told her my plans, on how i was going to rebuild everything. She listened , gave her inputs. I wanted to meet her again. I asked her out for coffee. She turned me down, well i was stupid to think that a pretty girl like her would be single.

Five Years later

We met again at a wedding. She looked different, her hair a little shorter than earlier. She was smiling, I waved at her. She smiled and nodded. We met again on the dance floor. This time she had company.

Two weeks later

I walked into her at a coffee shop. She was siting with her guy, deciding on wedding themes, and decorations. She smiled and waved at me. I took a take away, and rushed off.

That evening

I got a message from her on a Social Networking site.

Next Day

I was excited to meet her. Happy. very happy. I saw her getting off from an Auto, trying to hold on to her dupatta, which seemed to be having fun at her expense. She looked towards me and smiled. Her eyes were lined with Kohl, they accentuated every bit of her beautiful eyes.

She came and sat next to me. We both were quiet for a very long time. A weird noise made by a hawker selling his wares, made her laugh like a child.

I kept looking at her, we didn't have to say much.

Previous evening

She started off her conversation by stating that the guy with her , was not her boyfriend. She disclosed how she had to waiat for all these years for me to ask her out. She had lied that she was dating. However, she regretted saying it, and acting stupid. She said she fell in love with me the moment i held her in my arms. That was her "Platinum day of Love".

Today , we were discovering "Our Day of love". 

P:S - for those who are wondering who that guy was, at the coffee shop, it was her best friend. Phew!!


This is my entry for Platinum day of Love at Indiblogger.

*Based on a true story*

Letters to the unknown

Part I

Dear Gautam,

Honestly, I don’t even know why I am penning this down. But I guess this is going to be the only way I can pour out my heart. Right now, that’s the only thing I can do. I will not be able to see you again. I have been selected for a divine cause, my aunt , I’m sure you might remember her from the market. Anyways, so my aunt feels that I am very lucky to have been “the chosen one”. She said she has been hoping it to be her, and that she is outright jealous of me too.

But I really don’t feel lucky at all. I wanted to pursue college, you know I loved chemistry. College was special, a lot more because of you. I don’t know if you ever saw me before that accident, before I stopped college. But I did. I still remember that day when we were submitting our forms, for college. You were creating a ruckus , having an endless conversation, with a friend of yours. You were told to lower your voice by a professor, and shockingly, within minutes, that professor was eating out of your hands. Your charm, and quick wit, combined with a whacky sense of humor had made you an instant hit.

Your antics in the foyer, your helping nature, and your ability to spot books in the library did not go unnoticed. i even attended one of your English literature class, and wasn’t disappointed with your intelligent retorts. It almost had me in fits.

My eyes would constantly search for you while my brain used to hold  endless conversations with you. I even rehearsed what I would say , when we would meet. But I wasn’t prepared for the “way” we met. It was a complete mess. I was just told that I was the “chosen one”, and I was running away from everything, when I bumped into you. Imagine meeting you, when I had lost everything. I wanted to be hugged, I wanted to snuggle in your embrace and cry out, but I knew, that was never going to happen. Not anymore.

I don’t know if you or rather anyone would ever read this. I don’t know if I could stop what’s going to happen.

I was chosen to be a suicide bomber. I did not feel that I was lucky, infact when I protested, my uncle’s raped me and hit me badly. My mother and brother were also beaten black and blue till I finally agreed. All I could do was to inform the cops.

I did that at the market street, and I did see you there too Gautam. But I had many more important things to do. I tore my bag, and pretended to pick up the fallen stuff. I did that and also left behind a paper with all the details, of the time, date etc. even about my mother and brother. But I wonder how much they would be able to decipher, because even I did not know much. They always spoke in codes and clues.

I just hope that my mother and brother would be alright. I have asked them to run away, but mother says she won’t go without me. I tried to convince her, and finally she agreed. All I have to do is keep everyone’s attention.

All I pray for everyday, is for you to not be around during that explosion.I hope God hears me out.

Tomorrow Nidhi will cease to exist. Tomorrow, I would be among those charred bodies. But im happy that atleast I was able to pen my thoughts.

Love,

Nidhi.

Serah (Part III)

Part I / Part II

I realized I did not know Serah all that well. For instance, I never knew she maintained a Diary. I never knew she cooks really yummy khichdi. In a way, her staying with me was a medium for me to get to know her better.  Our lives continued on parallel tracks. I finally got someone to publish my work, and was working on my book and Serah used to give me my space as well. It was beautiful. Having immersed myself in work I started to not notice the faint signs of misery etched on her face. Realization came in way of her Diary – her most prized possession – the one she guarded with her life.

However today different, she was had gone for her routine check-up. I stumbled upon her diary while searching for sticky notes. I did not read it initially. I just kept it aside, but curiosity got the better of me, ad I started reading…..

Why did he just go?? Am I not good enough, I want to cry out loud. I feel like my soul is ripped apart. I m hurt. My tears do nothing to ease away the pain. Please take me away from this world, or make me strong, real strong. Or give me the courage to kill myself…

I was aghast. She had been in so much pain, where was I??? I continued reading …

Tony wants to go too. Why why why… why Is it that no one wants to stay with me?? Am I not good?? Am I not beautiful?? Am I not perfect?? What is itttt????? I was about to cut my wrist when Rajaa called me... isn’t he an angel? I feel I burden him with my troubles. I pretended to be happy when Rajaa called. I thought I could convince Tony to be with me... but he left... like everyone else… Just like Dad left Mum and Mum blamed me. Who do I Blame? Its ME... I am the REASONN …

I could feel my eyes burning. Serah had held so much inside herself, she was a volcano ready to burst open.

I could not gather enough courage to read further. I closed the diary and went back pretending that nothing happened.

Three weeks later, when she went for another check-up, I read her diaries. She had dated almost 9 men, and none of them stood by her. That had broken her up from inside. It had scarred her so bad, that there was no cure, for the same. I realized that she may be under clinical depression, but did not know how to broach upon the subject with her.

8 months later…

Serah was blessed with a baby girl. I insisted they stay back, till the baby turned 2 . She agreed on the staying back bit. However I knew she wasn’t happy. The reason was unknown.

Her Diary opened up a different world altogether. The Serah who wrote the Diary was so different from the Serah whom I knew. I never imagined that a single Human being could handle so much rejection, and still remain human. Serah’s smile never reached her eyes, she seemed Hollow from within.

I read the reason for her unhappiness; or rather worry ,was her baby girl – Raya. She was scared that she would have a fate as her own. She was scared for her baby.

I knew I had to do something to make her feel better. I visited psychiatrists seeking a solution, but neither could help Serah indirectly. They wanted her to be there for the sessions.  I realized that the idea of seeking help affected her emotionally, when I randomly spoke about the same.

After considerable research and understanding on the subject. I finally knew what I had to do, and for that I had to have access to her Diary again.

to be continued ....

Serah ( Part II )

( Serah Part I )

Both our teams overcame the initial hassles. Well that did not come in easy, there was lot of melodrama, catfights, name-calling, and finally after our Principal intervened we started working for our ‘college’. Though both the team members despised each other initially, I guess we somehow mellowed down along the way. Love blossomed as well, and no it wasn’t me. It was Serah and Hridant. 

Serah and I were assigned to work on the story board together, after the initial awkwardness,and her faint memory of having thrown soda on my face etc, we somehow managed to work together. Yes we did have very different opinions and views, but somehow we used to find a third way out. Yes, it was neither my way nor her way; it was always a third opinion or idea, which we would mutually agree on.

So eventually the three months of preparations gave way to our competition. Though we did not land the first position, and were ‘content ’of being placed 3^rd, I found a Friend in Serah. I envied her, not because she was always ahead of me, but she had a beautiful gift, of masking her sorrows over her ‘Happy-go’ lucky face, and trust me she was too good at it, rather, good is an understatement.

Our friendship grew, and from Rajan, I was christened Rajaaaa. That’s what she used to call me. Serah and Hridant were also going on, as everyone else said ‘Strong’. They were the ‘Perfect Couple’. So if they were so Perfect’ why wasn’t Serah’s smile reaching her eyes? Why did her laughter loose itself somewhere between her upper lips and the bridge of her nose? No no I wasn’t jealous here, I just happened to notice her a lot better than the others did.

Three years just passed away in the blink of an eye. We were awaiting our final year results, and well ‘planning ahead’. I had already decided on pursing writing, and luckily my Parents backed me up as well. Serah was to an extent clueless. She was what they called”Jack of all trades, master of none”. But that was again because she never really placed much importance on a career as such. Although I must add, that in the 3 years, she was a known person. It was not every time that you came across a person, who was fab at music, dance, poetry, art – you name it, Serah was it. So now you know why she wasn’t fascinated with a particular thing. She used to tell me that she would easily get bored, if she realized that she could do certain things without putting in much effort.

However Serah started off as an Intern with an advertising firm, and found her work interesting. Hridant and Serah parted ways in between all this. When, how, why was never known, and I never asked. She used to like that about me. That’s how we grew close.

Three years with Hridant did leave a scar, and that was slowly beginning to heal. A year later, she informed me about Tony. She met Tony through one the projects she was working on, and well they bonded really quick. Well I felt 2 days was really quick . Now Tony was a model from UK, and was here just for the week. However, I’m sure the Serah charm rubbed on him too. He stayed back.

As far as I was concerned, I did have my occasional share of relations, break-ups etc. I could never understand as to why I never felt any strong emotion or rather connection towards any of my Girlfriends. I realized why, 6 years later.

I still remember that night, feels like yesterday. I opened the door to see Serah completely drenched, and shivering away. She walked inside leaving wet footprints in her wake. I hate the monsoons, and cannot fathom the pleasure people derive in getting drenched in the rain.

So here she was sitting on the floor with her knees drawn to her chest. Her wet hair clung tightly to her frame as though afraid of being taken away. Her eyes were tightly shut as though warding off invisible demons. Her broad forehead was burrowed in creases that couldn’t be ironed out. A drop of water made its way from the end of her pixie nose to her lips. Her lower lips trembled with the cold, pulling me back into realization that she was shivering. I rushed to get her a towel and something dry to change into.

She was still sitting as I had left her. Two fat tears rolled out of her eyes. She bit her lower lip and looked up at me. She shook her head sideways, and looked down. I bent down and started drying out her hair and handed her the towel and the clothes I got her. She silently got up, and tiptoed towards the bathroom.

As she came back I handed her a steaming cup of hot chocolate.

‘How is Tony’? Our conversations used to usually begin with ignorance of the others situations. We felt it would give us the time to decide if we wanted to talk or not. I know it sounds foolish, but this was how it was, this was how it was always going to be. 

I knew they were having a rough time. The last conversation I remember was of her wanting to settle down with Tony, however he was hesitant. She was done with their on and off relation status, done with him cheating on her, and then begging for forgiveness. She wanted Tony to take them seriously.

‘Tony and I are not together anymore’, she paused, I knew there was something more to the breakup, and I knew she was coming to it. She looked helplessly at me. Her big round black eyes, screamed for help, and yet they were hollow. I looked away and puffed away on my cigarette.

‘I’m pregnant’, she sighed ’he doesn’t want the baby, but I want the baby, I’m keeping my child.’ She finished in one breath.

To those of you who are wondering about her parents in this equation. Well Serah never spoke about them, and I never asked. I threw the cigarette away and saw it holding onto its last breath before fading away.

‘How old is the Baby’

‘3 weeks’, her eyes twinkled.

‘I’m not sure about this pregnancy thing Serah, but I guess you should not be getting drenched in the rain again, the baby may catch a cold or something’

She looked at me and stared for a millisecond before bursting out into a thunderous laughter. For the first time in 10 years I saw her happy.

to be continued

Serah ( Part I )

He looked back at the man staring at him. Wrinkles sought refuge on his face, like they yearned to be there. He crinkled his eyes, ran his hair through his receding hairline, and winked back at the reflection in the mirror. Not bad, he thought aloud. Rajan Pillai tugged at the collar of his crisp white linen shirt and flattened invisible creases on his broad shoulder.

The wind blew in the ruffled curtains and covered his face. He sighed and looked back at the direction of the wind, and relished in the memory it bought him. A distant laughter filled his ears. He admonished the wind, and his eyes fell on a collage of pictures that adorned his wall. Serah, he whispered.

******

‘Why is it that love always eludes me, I’m loosing out on myself, you know Raja, I feel like i'm going down’

2 weeks later

‘helllooooo Rajjaaaaa, eeeee, IMA in looouuuveee’, she rambled over the phone.

Oh I almost forgot to introduce her. Trust me after knowing her, you would be wishing that you didn’t know her. I’m serious. Look at me! Alright so let me get to it. I know Serah since she was 20 years old. Oh she is 36 now, oh and I’m Rajan her best friend. But this is not about me. This story is purely about Serah. My Serah.

It must have been Summer, my memory fails me about the season, but why I think its summer is because of Serah again. Ok I am hopelessly in love with her, but who wouldn’t be! I still remember the time I saw her. She was wearing a cut out ripped denim, and an equally cut out white sleeveless t-shirt. Well the t-shirt was more or less something small enough to cover her assets; well you get the point right?? No and i’m not a conservative hypocrite, who secretly leched at her, I just found the outfit a tad too small.

Image courtesy : Dirty Hair Halo

Anyways, so here I was finishing my essay that was to be submitted for my honors programme for Ancient Indian Culture. Ok stop judging me already, and yes I was an average looking guy, only because I failed to pay much attention on my appearance and more on academics. So here I was minding my own business when she struts in (literally), and places an order for a Pepsi. Her eyes sweep over me, and remained fixed on a group of guys playing basketball. Curiosity got the better of me, and I followed her eyes, and well who could it have been - Rishabh or rohit, oh some ‘Dude’ of the college. Now rumor mills suggested that Serah and so called Mr. R. were dating since they were 16 years old, and recently broke up. I didn’t know the reasons.

So buzz was it that he had already started dating someone else, and she was the one who was alone, and as quoted by some girls ‘Heart broken’. So while I was watching this scene unfold in front of me, and also witnessing the ever changing emotions and expressions that waltzed away on Serah’s Face. I could feel my pants getting wet. No this isn’t some kind of Pervert reaction to her presence, but madam, was absentmindedly pouring the contents of her drink into an already overfilled glass, which was falling on me and on my 3 weeks of hard work.

‘Shit, what are you doing…?’ I screamed, and tried to save my thesis.

‘Oh no…i'm... ummm  what the hell are you doing staring at me, you.. you  Pervert!!!’ she screamed back, ‘Take this’, she flung the remaining in my face and walked off, and left me to deal with public embarrassment.

Yes, that is how we first met!! . I cursed her, and even wished that the earth would swallow her and not even burp. That was how much I hated her, as I failed to land my desired Honors seat, and was forced to get an alternate English Literature Honors instead. And lo behold who did I have sitting right next to me – why the mistress of misery herself!!!

She showed no remorse over her deeds last week, what I meant it she did not bother to apologize.In a way i was enjoying my Eng lit Honors programme, as that is where I decided on my vocation. Yes I knew I wanted to be a writer.

Did we talk??? No ways, I hated her as she had the answers to every damn question in class. She was one step ahead of me in every aspect, academically of course. So how did we become friends?? Well, now you guys do know how much I despised her, don’t you, no no there wasn’t any secret love brewing for her either.

Two months into the honors programme and we already had our big group assignment. We had to script, and enact a story, and the best group would get a chance to do the same at an inter - collegiate competition. She wasn’t in my group now. There were 18 groups in all, and I wanted to be among the best, and especially since I had already decided on writing as a vocation, I decided to check my writing skills.

3 weeks later we were ready to put our best forward with our play. The best thing about being in college is that you tend to know what the other group is doing, no mater how secretive they try to be. So buzz was it that 4 groups had excellent storylines, and well needless to say my group was one of them, and well so was hers.

We were the eleventh group to perform, and well we were a bit anxious as watching 10 groups perform before us does definitely tire the audience. Serah’s group would be performing 16^th , and this time I was happy to have been way ahead of her.

When my group was done, there was no applause for 5 seconds, those 5 seconds had my heart beating so fast that I felt it was ready to burst out of my body and lay punctured on the floor. I put my best face and went with my group on stage to bow before the audience, no sooner did we come on stage than a loud noise erupted in the hall. I feared the worst, of bullets being fired on us for our performance, but here the entire hall rose and gave our group a standing ovation. The claps died down only after 5 minutes. I was overwhelmed, excited, I wanted to scream. Oh and we did all of that. I was on top of the world. We did not wait for the results and rushed to the canteen and feasted like there was no tomorrow.

Finally the results were announced, ‘Two teams have similar scores and are on the first position, and we have to deliberate on either one of them’

Two teams!! Now i felt the celebrations were uncalled for.

‘We have come to a conclusion that both these teams will represent our college on an inter collegiate level, and only 10 members as per the rules would get to be on stage, I’m sure with the help of your teachers ,both the team members would come on a unanimous result’.

‘The winners are team number 11 and team number 16, congratulation to both the teams, and on the third position is team number 13’

To be Continued ...... 

Arranged Marriage

“I am really nervous Ma, I don’t know what all should I be asking, or talking …”

Her Mother stifled a giggle, hugged her daughter, and said “Zahera, any man will be lucky to have you, just be yourself alright?”

Zahera was 25, single, and independent. Did she want to marry??? No and yes!! NO, because, she believed that one day she would run into her prince charming, and then Love would blossom, she craved for a Love marriage rather than an arranged.

He was sitting dressed casually in a striped shirt and blue denim jeans, equally tensed, but was good at hiding that fact. He hadn’t seen her picture earlier, however he did catch a glance of the photo frames, and was smitten by her, if that was her, he thought to himself.

11.11.11

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

She got up and left, and I never could get the courage to ask her to not leave, I sat out there like  a dumb guy. I never made an effort to wipe away the pearls that fell from her eyes, taking with them the kohl that beautifully highlighted her eyes.

                                       

I started counting days…1 2 flew into weeks, neither of us called the other. We made a brief pact to remain friends. It was my idea, I was too selfish to let go, she agreed , knowing her, I knew she would. She would talk to me when I called, replied to my messages, but said nothing more. I knew I had hurt her beyond healing.

But what could I do?? I was bound by my issues, I wondered whether I could take the plunge, gather the courage, put my foot down and say she is whom I love, and want to be with, but I knew I lacked courage, BALLS, they rather say. I was a spineless asshole, for letting her go, for hurting her, for making her cry.

11.11.11

part 1
Part 2
Part 3


4 years just passed in the blink of an eye, we were still together, I was with the most beautiful person in the universe, listening to “looks like we made it”, on her phone. For her that was our song, and it definitely was.

We were recruited by the same firm, and were even more happy to have been working together. I ensured to let the whole office know that she is “my girl” to avoid unnecessary ogling, though inspite of knowing she was dating , she still was the object of attention.

I knew something was wrong when she don’t show up and nether attended my calls. I was getting anxious, not hearing or seeing her had that effect on me. Her voice was enough to calm me, I could fight aliens, master super powers, finish off anything just to look in those eyes.

Today, something had gone amiss, ‘Tamara’ I said to myself, what was it that was keeping her away from me???.

Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt her? Did I…??..my thoughts were cut short by the ring of the phone, yes weird I know, but I had a special ring tone just for her, to know that it’s her, I liked that.

11.11.11

Part 1 

Part 2

She held an intricately carved wooden box in her hand, and looked at me in awe of it (I presumed), with her smile lighting up the dimples as well. She opened the box ever so cautiously, like a container with excess water in it, she ever so slowly peeped in to the box, and a silent shriek left her lips. 


She looked up at me, and kept the box in my hands, and removed the accessories she had on her, and gingerly took the neckpiece I had given her , as though it would break, she turned her back to me , and moved her tresses in front and asked me to tie the neckpiece for her. 


I mean really, i would get to do that...


 My hands were shivering, I slid close to her, close enough to smell her. I so had the urge, a desire to lift her in my arms, and whisk her away. She turned sideways, indicating that I should put on the earrings for her, as soon as I went closer to put them on, I saw her cheeks flushing crimson, she looked more beautiful than I could ever recollect. 

11.11.11

Part 1




It was her birthday, and needless to say she was showered with gifts and wishes from everyone, did I forget to mention that apart from being beautiful, she was also the most humane person I ever came across, yes, she had no airs about herself, she’d go out of her way to help anyone and.. PERFECT, is the word. Period.

I still couldn’t believe my ears when she walked upto me (i mean she could, we were friends right, but still)…

‘So Karthik , where is my birthday gift’

‘I err, umm Tamara, I.. Well I have got you something, but I’m not.. Well I thought I’ll .. You know.. Once.. Like …later… when you are free….’

‘I’m free now Karthik, and why do you tread so carefully with conversations between us’

‘I just don’t want to loose you Tamara, I treasure you a lot, way too  much to not have you with me’

She smiled her mesmerizing smile, and that took me to another world altogether, till she snapped her fingers and brought me back to reality.

‘I’m waiting’, she said, and folded her hands across her slender frame enveloped in a blue kurta  and looked at me expectantly, my knees were to give away any second, my heart was melting away ….

'Blue looks good on you....' i knew i said something stupid , with the corners of her lips giving away to a broad grin 'as in you look good in blue, that's .. i.. was.. blue.. it does.. well'  i sighed at my own stupidity, acting like a retard in front of her was a piece of cake.. (she looked good in everything) .

11.11.11

She could see the stars, as the wind caressed her, her hair flying in tandem with the wind. She smiled, this was her most cherished moment. She kept her eyes open inspite of the wind, her eyes were wet, the droplets left their abode and passed through her almond shaped eyes.. She felt the warmth of the tears as the cold enveloped her frame.

                                         

----------------

4 years ago.  

‘Tamara’, the name was all it took for the boys in my college to gaze in the direction of which her name was called. Her slender frame carried everything she wore with grace, be it a simple pair of jeans and t-shirt, to salwar kameez. 
Yes!! And she did have the girls going green with envy.

Broken Wings

         I thought I would miss your absence

         But your presence was never endearing

         I could never understand what made me go on

         Maybe the idea of being hurt was inviting

         I know I don’t want to be with you again

         But the thought of your absence does warm my eyes

         In the loneliness I found myself

         The same ‘me’ I lost around you

         Your words had me enticed

         I realize now, that,

         Words have a surreal effect

         If not matched with actions

         They become hollow,

         Like you…..

                                                 

A Promise that was kept

The Drawing room was filled with Rakshits and Anika’s pictures – all "screamed" Happy Happy Happy in unison. There was not a moment that wasn’t captured. Their honeymoon, post honeymoon,with her baby, with friends, without friends, with his family, with her family, her besties, his besties, their common friends,office colleagues, neighbours, neighbours dog, watchman (you get the point right?).

                                           

This couple was the envy of other married couples. Wives nudged their husbands saying “cant you be more like Rakshit??” to which they’d respond “you are not Anika”. Their chemistry hadn’t dwindled in the last 8 years of marriage.

Feels like love...

It’s not important as to how long we have been with each other

Its how many memories we have of each other that counts

It’s not important as to how well you know me

Its how you always understood

It’s not important how often you held my hand

Its how you never let go

It’s not important how many times you called

It’s how you were always there

It’s not important to remember everything

Its how you never forgot to make me smile

For my Princess

The home still feels empty without your presence,

There is a void, but no one talks about it

There is loneliness

But no one can sense it

There is pain; no one can feel it yet

It was different when you were there

The house felt warm and welcoming

I used to love coming back home

And hear your excitement

See you jump up and down in joy

Till I scooped you up in my arms

And told you I missed you too..

Whenever my eyes were moist, I would find you in my lap

Making sure I was alright

You never left me without making me smile

Your tilted head stance was all it took...

I miss cuddling up with you, at night

My mornings were incomplete without hugging you tight

13 years of unconditional love baby, and here I am

Talking about you

Your memories bring a smile on my face

And yet something feels heavy in my throat

Will you comfort me again if I cry...?

I feel your presence at times in the house

It’s where you breathed your last

I scooped you up in my arms

But your head didn't nestle in my shoulders

You didn’t move after that....

There was no one waiting anymore

There is a lot of pain

I wish you were here to ease it out

I miss you... I miss having you around…

I might have not said this often...

I love you princess...

Our lil Princess....Snoopy

I Love you ... however ......

I have come across or rather witnessed many “love stories”, right from the “I have a crush on her/him stage” to the “I love him/her stage “, to the “its over stage”!!!.... Now I know many of you must have gone through the below mentioned situations (any resemblance to any of my friends real life situations is purely INTENTIONAL – buhhahhah). Now even I have gone through some of them... (Evil grin). The most famous or common of the “we can’t be together stance”:

“I just don’t feel that Anymore” - honey, FEEL what?? I mean c’mon, it should be more like... I feel his/her‘s nowadays (dnt I mention an appropriate legal age to read this content??)

“I’m not into you anymore” – Maybe you are too busy “into” someone else"s.

“I think you deserve someone better” – Did you fail to notice yourself in the mirror before; of course she/he deserves someone better (in your face).

“I think we should be friends” – you think!!! Oh c’mon... dnt be so harsh on yourself.

“I need some space” – Sweetheart, why just Space, take the universe too!!!

“It's not working between us anymore” – oh right, let’s take a new job!!... For God sake... what was your relation…A machine that needs to be oiled??

“My parents won’t agree to us” – ummm, did you just meet your parents recently??

“You are not what I expected” – I’m sorry, were you waiting for Hugh Jackman??? I may not look like him, but can very well rip you apart!!!

“Your educational qualification is not apt” – I’m sorry, did I hear that right??.... Dnt you remember that when I bought you all those gifts???”

“You have changed” – oh no honey, I haven’t even washed my jeans from the time we started dating!! … For crying out loud – I dnt have a secret stash of elixir to look the way I did 2 years back!!!

“You dnt have time for me” - Well yeah, cause I’m busy slogging my ass, and you warming up every café joint!!!

Phew!!!..... Dnt worry, I’m not someone going through a break-up or under emotional stress of any kind... its just that, after having heard some of the excuses for as to why something dsnt work out between two people, we rather fail to overlook many aspects…. Like communication, honesty, throwing away your ego etc, and then later on we build up situations for the above mentioned baseless
(seems rational when I used some) reasons to end something. But all I would say to those in Love – keep loving if it’s worth it, and to those who are single – enjoy it while it lasts.