Honestly, I don’t even know why I am penning this down. But I guess this is going to be the only way I can pour out my heart. Right now, that’s the only thing I can do. I will not be able to see you again. I have been selected for a divine cause, my aunt , I’m sure you might remember her from the market. Anyways, so my aunt feels that I am very lucky to have been “the chosen one”. She said she has been hoping it to be her, and that she is outright jealous of me too.
But I really don’t feel lucky at all. I wanted to pursue college, you know I loved chemistry. College was special, a lot more because of you. I don’t know if you ever saw me before that accident, before I stopped college. But I did. I still remember that day when we were submitting our forms, for college. You were creating a ruckus , having an endless conversation, with a friend of yours. You were told to lower your voice by a professor, and shockingly, within minutes, that professor was eating out of your hands. Your charm, and quick wit, combined with a whacky sense of humor had made you an instant hit.
Your antics in the foyer, your helping nature, and your ability to spot books in the library did not go unnoticed. i even attended one of your English literature class, and wasn’t disappointed with your intelligent retorts. It almost had me in fits.
My eyes would constantly search for you while my brain used to hold endless conversations with you. I even rehearsed what I would say , when we would meet. But I wasn’t prepared for the “way” we met. It was a complete mess. I was just told that I was the “chosen one”, and I was running away from everything, when I bumped into you. Imagine meeting you, when I had lost everything. I wanted to be hugged, I wanted to snuggle in your embrace and cry out, but I knew, that was never going to happen. Not anymore.
I don’t know if you or rather anyone would ever read this. I don’t know if I could stop what’s going to happen.
I was chosen to be a suicide bomber. I did not feel that I was lucky, infact when I protested, my uncle’s raped me and hit me badly. My mother and brother were also beaten black and blue till I finally agreed. All I could do was to inform the cops.
I did that at the market street, and I did see you there too Gautam. But I had many more important things to do. I tore my bag, and pretended to pick up the fallen stuff. I did that and also left behind a paper with all the details, of the time, date etc. even about my mother and brother. But I wonder how much they would be able to decipher, because even I did not know much. They always spoke in codes and clues.
I just hope that my mother and brother would be alright. I have asked them to run away, but mother says she won’t go without me. I tried to convince her, and finally she agreed. All I have to do is keep everyone’s attention.
All I pray for everyday, is for you to not be around during that explosion.I hope God hears me out.
Tomorrow Nidhi will cease to exist. Tomorrow, I would be among those charred bodies. But im happy that atleast I was able to pen my thoughts.