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Friday, July 29, 2011

Till Death do us apart ....

You could take her away!!!!!!

But not her memory…..
Not her fragrance that lingers in the wind
Not her warmth that brightens my day
Her sweet velvet voice…
Her smile that could light up any dark alley
The soft giggles that were her’s,
The soft touch of her hands
She felt absolutely warm against me
You could only take away her physical entity
Her memories are mine
Just mine!!!!!!
You can’t take them away
Only death will cease to make me not think about her…
That’s why I can’t embrace death
I fear not having to hear your voice again
I fear not having to feel your touch
Something that I told you a million times….
I now hold it within myself
Did you know how much an effect you had on me??
Yes, you did, I remember you looking away
The blush radiant on your cheeks…
I remember everything…
And yet I don’t have you around...
However, your memories make me want to live…

You make my life worthwhile.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The "Subject"

(Another LONG story, I have taken a liking towards them, Sorry For the long read, hope you'll like it)

From the five inch heels to the five inch cracks on her feet ….  From her plush 2 room apartment to the dingy room, from her well manicured polished nails to the almost bit off yellow stained nails… from champagne in a glass, to cockroach eggs… Certainly everything around Janaiah had changed drastically…


It had been 3 years or more, no one knew, her case file wasn’t to be found or never existed…

Janaiah had been diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia, according to the helpers in the psychiatric ward. Inspite of her matted unkempt hair, her uniform that hung loosely over her skeletal frame, something about her was very alluring. For a student of Psychiatry, she was the best “Subject getting to know more about her would have been like a Dream come true, I would get the best internship certificate and I could even get it published. That thought pushed me further towards her, she pulled me more towards her than the other “subjects”.

She was always aloof in all the activity hours; she used to sit quietly through breakfast, lunch, dinner, practically throughout the day. I had a month of Internship, and 2 days had already passed, I was thinking as to whether she was the right choice, and made a backup plan in another “easy subject” as well.

Somehow Janaiah seemed very familiar, and that thought kept nagging at the back of my head, and finally it was revealed by the “annoying” helper – Janaiah was a Successful Model, probably of the Super model ranks. That just gave me the necessary high I needed.

I tried getting her attention, however all my attempts seemed futile. The day ended, however today I ran back home to seek refuge in google, to know more about her… I typed in her name to be greeted by a plethora of information, her profile, and her pictures – her pictures, were breathtakingly beautiful, everything about her spelled perfection, beauty, classy, elegance… I was in awe of this ethereal beauty… Somehow I knew how to get her attention.
 Model : Ruslana Korshunova

I stealthily entered my sister’s room, and ran out with a “prop” for my subject. I could feel the prop digging into my skin, but with the excitement, I barely seemed to notice.

I went near Janaiah, mumbled a faint hello, which did not get her attention. I placed the prop on her table, and unwrapped it... she stole a glance towards it, my heart skipped a beat, and I knew she was taking the bait. I unwrapped the Stilettos and placed it in front of her. She looked at it for a moment or two, and looked at me, I smiled hopefully. Then just as I thought something might happen, she went back to reading her book.

Shoe courtesy :Jimmy Choo

I tried coaxing her back; all my attempts seemed to fail. I did everything possible for the coming days – Magazines, nail paint, accessories, even tried getting her to pose for my camera, but to no avail. She just wouldn’t budge. 

It was the 27th of June … 3 more days, for my internship to come to a close. I had not made any progress with her. My back-up plan was ready; however I wanted to know how she ended up here. I sat on her bed, without a notebook and pen in hand, and mumbled a 'Hi' ; she kept down her book and replied, 'Hey Aarav, 3 more days here huh? Got all what you needed??'

 I was shocked, I just gawked at her. She smiled, making me realize that I must be looking really stupid!!...

'Are you going to take the Mse (mental status examination), without a paper and pen, Aarav??'

 I was left immobile and speechless. My mind was racing, this was a normal trait associated with psychiatric patients wherein they tried to acknowledge certain things as within their understanding so as to have an effect on the Person taking the Mse, and I was sure many had taken her Mse before. So it was normal for her to know the terms.

Seeing my surprised expression she smiled and added, 'Ma in psychology from Nirmala Niketan, Aarav. I have been here for around 3 ½ years now, she looked at me, and do you need a paper and pen??'

'No, wait I’ll be back', saying that i tore from her room and came back with a notepad and pen...

I started writing all what she had mentioned, and looked at her; she went on about her family, friends. Her Mse did not show any traces of Paranoid Schizophrenia or any mental illness for that matter, but I was an amateur, so it was difficult for me to ascertain whether she had any traits of the mentioned Illness.

'So how did you end up here', I asked her. Her expressions hardened, she seemed distant in her thoughts. I guess it’s about time for you to go Aarav, I’ll see you tomorrow, having said that she made a move towards the bathroom. I definitely had exceeded my time, and hoped our conversation would continue tomorrow as she disappeared into the bathroom

I was having a feeling that she would completely avoid me today, however she smiled and waved at me, I ran over like a puppy does to his master. I did not have to prod her. She told me her story… 

'I was a successful model Aarav; I had endorsed the best of products and walked for the best of designers. My life was perfect till I met Nirav. Nirav was perfect, or so it seemed, he was supportive and was the best boyfriend to have around. I was that comfortable that I even handed him the keys to my apartment, where I stayed along with my little sister. She was as far away from my industry, she worked with the Ngo’s. She was all I had, after my Parents demise. She and Nirav, instantly bonded, and I knew Nirav would take care of her, just as I doted on her.'

'I had to go on a Month long Fashion Tour starting from Paris, and was apprehensive about leaving my sister alone, I asked Nirav to take care of her while I was gone'.

Janaiah started crying, that was my biggest mistake Aarav!!! 'He and his friends raped her for weeks and killed her. Nirav was too rich and powerful, all the evidences against him were wiped out and when I went out against him, I landed here'.

She looked at me, her eyes screamed for help…the clock struck 6. I had to leave, and I felt horrible having to leave her in that condition… Janaiah, I’ll help you! help you out of this mess, I Promise!!!

My father was the best Criminal Lawyer in town, Vinay Vashisht; I told my father the entire story. A week later he came back with newspaper cuttings of how Janaiah’s sister was murdered, she was held as the prime accused with Nirav testifying against her.

'Aarav, I cannot completely get her out of the Asylum, as this case is completely against her, and its not feasible to dig out evidences that are 3 years old, and if she gets out of the asylum she meets a Death sentence, what we could do is get her out of the Asylum say for a day, maximum a week nothing more than that'. I knew dad was right, I hated the Indian Judiciary.

Janaiah was permitted to a 7 day “parole”. I was ecstatic.

'So where do you want to go??'

'She looked at me imploringly, my apartment Aarav, I just want to see it once again.'

My dad had warned me that if she isn’t brought back to the Asylum at 9pm, everyday, there would be n array of problems, which meant I had to keep a vigilant eye on her.

First 3 days went by with her traveling to different places, malls, coffee shops, her choice of places were very distinctive, and I thought it was because of being trapped in a room for so long, that she wanted to go everywhere fathomable. I saw a smile escape her lips as she ducked under the table to pull her sandal straps (weird, I thought)
Mumbai daily Snapshot - Linking Road (Bandra-w)

On the 6th day, we went to a very prominent shopping Zone (her choice again). Two hours there, and I was already tired but not her, she was like a kid in a toy store. I slipped outside to attend a call, and when I came in I couldn’t find her, I assumed she’d be in the trial room, 30 mins in a trial room???

I went over and knocked, she wasn’t there, and I asked the shopkeeper, he hadn’t seen her either. Panic was an underrated word!! I searched high and low, everywhere. The entire shopping area was a length of 2 football fields!! Were was I to search... 3 hours later I decided to call my father, I passed a chaat corner as I was dialing my fathers number when I saw her!!!..

I heaved a sigh of relief, went over to her, she looked innocently at me and offered me chaat, my anger dissolved away, and so did my fear of having lost her. This time I held her hand, she didn’t throw me off. The next day again we went out. She was happy, she couldn’t thank me enough..... I knew I had to get her out...

A week later:

A gruesome Murder became the talk of town. The victim was identified as Nirav Kumar Desai, residing at Lokhandwaala (the same place we had gone shopping), Nirav, hmm, Janaiah’s ex boyfriend, but definitely there would be a lot of Nirav’s. Something just did not fit well. He was killed on the 18th of August at around 2:30 pm (Same time she had gone missing at the shopping zone). He was stabbed all over, his head was shaved, a knife rested in his scalp, he lay eagle –spread on the floor. Something nagged my memory; I took Janaiah’s sisters case, the murder was done in a similar manner. The clothes of the victims were arranged in a similar manner, the shoes were found near the genital area, the toe was cut off...


I couldn’t believe it. I met Janaiah the next day at the asylum and showed her the headline which had Nirav's murder mentioned in it. She smiled, a flicker of recognition passed across her face. She started rocking back and forth, in fast rhythms, she freaked me out….

'He was in LOVE with my sister, she screamed, my SISTER, she laughed hysterically, that ugly bitch, I came back from Paris and saw them FUCKING each other... she pulled out her hair, and started crying, I told Nirav not to leave me for her, My parents also did not want me after she came, I was ADOPTED, she screamed, they were going to tell her, and I had to Silence my Parents, she spat, and then she wanted NIRAV, my NIRAV.. And I had to silence her as well'

I couldn’t take in what I had heard, she was crazy, she was mad!! I had been an accomplice in the murder of an innocent man...

'Aarav, I like you… don’t go AWAYYY FROM ME…'

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, I could feel the bile rising in my throat. I was an Amateur in understanding Human Emotions, and because of me someone was murdered, I couldn’t live with this Guilt.

She had known all along that I would be very Vulnerable, she definitely had heard the conversation with my Dad, no wonder she opened up out of the blue.. It was all PLANNED; I was the “SUBJECT” here

Janaiah’s face swam in front of me as I stood by the cliff... I knew I had to end the thumping of my heart, it had to stop…and it did…


Tuesday, July 26, 2011

A Real fairytale.....

(I know this one is a really LONG post, But for the story i really couldn't cut it short..SORRY..Please read through.)

The moment I turned and saw her, I knew I was in love…..

She was a Goddess, she was flawless... I had met many women; however, no one took my breath away as much as she did. I saw her gliding away and talking to everyone around. My eyes never left her. I traced her from head to toe, and wondered, as to how someone could be so beautiful. 

God definitely was biased towards her. She had perfect lustrous mane, which reached her waist, it was left loose, and with every stride she took, her hair bounced, the curls were so perfect. Her well manicured hands with red painted nails, touched her hair, and held them in place. Her skin looked creamy and perfect. My eyes traced her hand as they took a glass towards those perfect lips, her eyes were breathtakingly beautiful, and they could literally kill someone with a mere glance. Her pixie nose, just added to her beauty, a perfect round face, with dimples that made their way with her occasional smile.

Her laughter and smile were genuine, unlike others in the room; there was certain warmth about her, which just made me feel comfortable. Her dress enveloped her body like second skin; she had the perfect body, shaped legs, which fit well in high heeled stilettos… I was so mesmerized by her presence that I absolutely couldn’t hear Aditi talking away.

Her pinch got me back into reality.....

'Jaden!!!!!!! What the fuck… you seem demented!'

I was upset at having my “moment” being disturbed; I glared at Aditi and asked her to shut up so as to resume looking at the enigma

'Ehem Jaden, stop leching at her, it’s becoming a tad too obvious. Wait i'l get you guys introduced'.

I turned to Aditi with a smirk on my face, 'yea right, and she would be so happy to see me!! C’mon Aditi'.

'Jaden could you stop acting like a Prick...'

'I’m sorry Aditi, it’s just that she is way out of my league, she would not spare a second look, and she could just be with anyone out here and…'

'SHUTUP Jaden...'

Saying that she walked away towards the enigma...
I trembled at the sight of Aditi returning with the Enigma in tow, Ms. Enigma had a beautiful smile that lit her entire face and she was walking towards me, and oh my, she was smiling at me... no this can’t be happening, oh shit what is my name, oh my have I lost the gift of speech, what if I faint, what if I say something stupid?? My mind was flooded with such random thoughts, that I was finding it difficult to behave “normal”.

'Hey Jaden,let me introduce you to Ujwala'
'Ujwala meet Jaden'
'Jaden Ujwala…'

'Hey guys i’l catch you in a bit'... saying that Aditi left us by ourselves

So the enigma is called Ujwala... wow... (hahaha Ujaala...oh no shut up Jaden...)
'Umm Hi Ujwala, I’m Jaden,'
'Now that’s something I already know about you all thanks to Aditi...'
'Umm lol, yes of course,'

(Say something good, intelligent, maybe normal, compliment)

'Oh you are looking beautiful.'
'Thank you, so what do you do,'

(Well, apart from staring at you and acting dumb)

'Well I’m an Architect by profession, and writer by passion.'
'Oh wow I loved the writing bit, so what do you write – poems, stories'…
'umm well it’s a complete pot pourri, but yes I’m working on my new book…'

'Hey Ujwala there you are,'
'Hey Sameer how are you,'
'Oh btw Sam meet Jaden, he's an architect and a writer as well…. and Jaden he is Sameer'
'ha!! Writer, what’s happened to your choice ujju…?'
'Hey Sam, u know what…'
'Oh baby come on let’s go...'

'Umm Jaden i’l see you around..' She added with a Smile
Jaden what were you even thinking she is a Model,a girl as beautiful as her, will definitely want a "Sam"...
After a while….
'Hey Jaden I hope you weren’t offended by Sam, he is a pig head...'
(Pig head of course, my heart swelled up at those words) , but all I could say was….'hey that’s ok.'

She filled my heart with her mesmerizing smile once again, and then the conversations started, I was drawn to her with every conversation I had with her. She was very genuine as compared to most of the girls I had met, more grounded, she loved simple things, her giggle left me wanting to hear them more.

It had been 3 months since I knew her, and I knew she was what I wanted to be with. She was perfect. Beneath all the glamour and perfection was a very innocent, ambitious girl. She was homely as well. I wanted to shout out the very second I had seen her, saying that I loved her, but today it wasn’t that image of the Goddess that I had in mind, it was the real Ujwala that I was in love with.!!

But would she say a yes??? would she want to be with someone like me??What if she said “lets be friends” and invited me to winess her marriage with “Sam the Pig Head”.

I was an average looking guy, yes I had my fair share of relations, but this was unlike all of them. This was perfect.Our overnight conversations transpired with me knowing her varied tone’s and knowing exactly what she felt!!

I prepared myself, it was a do or die situation , I had to let her know, I had to be with her, I couldn’t loose her, nor let go of her to any “pighead”…I  dialed her number… this time the same nervousness creeped upon me ,as I had while dialing her num for the 1st time…

'Hey Jaden!!'
'Umm hey Ujwala... umm are you free to meet tomorrow?'
'Yes, but you are sounding a bit weird, is everything ok??'
'Yes yes of course… so let’s meet tommororw? Umm i’l pick u up alright?'
'Ok Jaden…. i’l see you tomorrow, bye'

The next day, I was nervous as hell, I wore my “lucky t-shirt, bought a bunch of white roses,  her favorite, and started driving towards her place. I was nervous, should I give her the flowers?? were they cheesy?? it’s only been 3 months!!!, will she? What if she gets angry and stops talking with me??

My mind was clouded with so many thoughts… I almost missed her, standing outside her house, radiant as ever in a pink dress.

'Jaden, for a moment I thought you were going to leave me,' she said, there was something about the way she looked that I couldn’t comprehend, she smiled, and hugged me. All my nervousness seemed to disappear, she looked in the backseat and saw the flowers, 'I’m guessing those are for me'... she said, and looked at me, oh those eyes… 'umm yes those are for you,' she grabbed them, and placed a peck on my cheeks, I flushed, she sat admiring the flowers with occasional glances towards me, 'so where are we going?'

'Umm surprise… '
We drove in to her favorite restaurant (i booked the entire place).. 'Oh this is weird this place is never empty' she said and walked to her “usual “place. I was so scared, I almost wanted to run away, she glanced in my direction and smiled and I knew I never could run away from her.This was it....


 I walked towards her, and took her hands in mine...
'Ujwala, I know we haven’t known each other that long, and that you definitely will get guys who are much better looking than me... but all I can say is that you just make me complete'..

I looked at her, to be greeted by an ear to ear grin... 'Jaden this took you 3 months!!!'

She hugged me and kissed me, that was the moment I lost myself in her arms

30 years later.... 
Image Courtesy - Yuri Arcurs
She was as beautiful as I had first set eyes on her, There were definite signs of ageing... However she looked angelic. This had been my routine from the day we were  married.  I used to wake up and look at her to ensure it’s not a dream...

She woke up, and smiled having seen me, she put out her hands for an embrace, and I snuggled warmly into her arms...

There’s something Men would never Understand about Women, For me I never understood as to why she Loved me of all the people!!Why did she say a Yes... Women can never be Understood.....

For me.. Im living my Fairytale ... 

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Distant yet near ....

The very first time we met,
It was instinctive; I knew we would be friends
He was a brooding figure
Lost in deep thoughts
A sense of pain engulfed him
That may have been the reason to connect instantly
His laughter rang in my ears
His conversation were worldly
He seemed to have lost a part of himself
Which were evident in his vacant eyes
A relation was brewing
I was at ease with him
Time just flew by with him around
He drew stars in the vacant wall
And he was candid about it
He easily gained a top spot as my friend
All good things come to an end, don't they?
He had to leave.
I couldn’t find reasons to make him stay
I felt the void creeping up again
Will I be able to have similar conversations again?
I doubted them
New place, new friends, new conversations
The friendship I valued was bound to go
I had seen relations fade
And thought this one will fade as well
Was I surprised when I saw his text?
Yes, is an understatement
The same candid nature, the same friendly stance
His call made my day
Ensured me that I still had him around..
And well you know what,
I miss you…
I miss the long, stupid, bizarre conversations
At the same time,
I’m happy to know that they were just the very beginning
Of an amazing friendship….

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